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Pinkamena Diane Lecter: Silence of the ponies

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Some fitting music for the image: www.youtube.com/watch?v=pr6ybC…

Pinkamena criminal record: dan232323.deviantart.com/art/M…

A huge press conference is taking place in the middle of Canterlot  as news reporters  from all over Equestria are gathered yelling and asking hard questions. In front of all them is a grey colt with a brain for a cutie mark, wearing a lab coat and reading glasses. He addresses the public with grate confidence – Mares and gentle colt’s, I want to assure every pony here when I say that Canterlot Asylum is the best Hospital for the criminally insane in all of Equestria. We have the best medication, the best doctors and the best security. Celestia herself has funded this project. That’s how much faith she has in us.

Doctor Frederick, but what about these rumors concerning your “star” patient. – One of the reporters yells out – It seas here that two of her cellmates are dead for “unknown reasons” and 3 of your guards are paralyzed in the hospital as we speak, fighting for their lives. And what of the rumors that she is helping with an investigation? Also the Canterlot prosecutor is pressing charges do to the loss of his ear. Some ponies say you can’t handle this patient and that your reputation might not be… deserved. What is your response to these allegations?

The mood suddenly changes as the Doctor is looking at the reporter with anger in his eyes. – Listen here you media vultures! We have been at the top of our field for over 50 years; we can handle one insane pink pony! This interview is over! -  He rushes of the pedestal waving off the reporters as they try to squeeze in more questions.

Canterlot Asylum. Little is known of the horrors and experiments that go on in this forsaken place. If these walls could talk no pony would want to listen. Only screams of madness and pain surround it at night. This is the place they hold her… this is… Home…

Doctor Frederick’s office doesn’t see much visitors but this one is special.  - Good mooring Officer Shining Armor – The Doctor shakes hooves with the Colt. – Good morning Doctor Frederick – He politely responds.

The Doctor begins to brief the rules for the visit. - Do not touch the glass. Do not approach the glass. You pass her nothing but soft paper, no pencils or pens. No staples or paperclips in her paper. Use the sliding food carrier, no exceptions. If she attempts to pass you anything, do not accept it. Do you understand me? – Shining Armor nods - I am going to show you why we insist on such precautions. On the evening of last year’s winter wrap up, she complained of chest pains and was taken to the dispensary. Her mouthpiece and restraints were removed for an EKG. When the nurse leaned over, she did this to her. - He pulls out a photo as Shining looks at it in horror and disgust. - The doctors managed to reset her jaw more or less. Saved one of her eyes. Pinkamena’s pulse never got above 85, even when she ate her tongue.

They both walk down to the cell block when the doctor begins to question Shining Armor. - As a research subject,  Pinkamena has proven most disappointing. She's simply impenetrable to psychological testing. Rorschach, Thematic Apperception... she tears them into party confetti. Tell me, when you saw Pinkamena’s murders, their style, so to speak, were you able perhaps to reconstruct her fantasies? And, if so, did you write down any impressions? - No. - Shining armor answers with distaste. Doctor Frederick stops in front of the cell door and tries to hold down the colt. - Let me be frank, Officer Shining. The first definitive analysis of Pinkamena will be a publisher's wet dream. I'll give you full credit of course.

Shining Armor rushes towards cell door trying to avoid the questions. - Dammit!  You must have some advice. You caught her. What was your trick? – The Doctor asks in desperation.

I let her kill me. – Shining armor closes the cell door behind him.

He enters a long dark corridor filled with cells to each side, harboring the most psychotic pony criminals in all of Equestria. Strangely it’s very quiet, as if they are all scared of something. Or some pony…

At the end of the hall a lone chair stands in front a cell, numbered C291A8. When he sits down a soft voice echoes out of the shadows of the cage. – That’s that same terrible aftershave you wore on your wedding. -Am I speaking to Pinkie? – He ignores the comment. A small pink pony with a long wavy mane enters the light. – I’m afraid she isn’t with us but, I can take a message. – Her voice and that creepy grin on her face bring chills to the seasoned officer of the law. – Good that’s exactly who I need to speak to. – Shining Armor tries to maintain his composure.

So how’s Cadence and your little… Sunshine? I think her birthday was… yesterday. And I wasn’t invited to the party. You know how much I love parties. – Her grin grows wider with each sentence.  – You stay away from my family you MANIAC! – Shining losing his grip. – Now, Now you need to maintain professionalism; after all, you need me. – She answers looking at him with those terrifying eyes.

I need you to look at these documents; these are straight from the crime scene. - Shining Armor tries to calm himself down.

Pinkamena: If you recall our last collaboration ended… messily.

Shining Armor: I thought you’d enjoy the challenge; prove you are smarter than him.

Pinkamena:  And by implication you think you’re smarter than I am? Sense it was you who caught me.

Shining Armor:  No I just got lucky. I know I’m not smarter then you.

Pinkamena: Then how DID you catch me?

Shining Armor:  You had… Disadvantages.

Pinkamena: Disadvantages?

Shining Armor:  You’re insane.

A long uncomfortable pause fills the air.

Pinkamena:  You will not persuade me by appealing to my intellectual vanity.

Shining Armor:  I don’t think I’ll persuade you at all. You either do it or you won’t.

Pinkamena:  Are those the case files? Fine, give them to me and I’ll tell you what I think…



A fitting clip for the scene: www.youtube.com/watch?v=09TAIc…

The very next day Shining armor gets a phone call.  – Well, have the Ponies stopped screaming yet?  - Pinkie, how did you ...? – Shining armor asks in shock. - The name is Pinkamena.  Don’t bother with the trace I won’t be on long enough. – She answers calmly.

Shining Armor:  Where are you?

Pinkamena:  Don’t worry I have no plans on you or your family. Equestria is a more interesting place with you in it. So you take care now to extend me the same courtesy.

Shining Armor:  You know I can’t make that promise.

I do wish we could chat longer but… Im having an old friend for dinner.  – She says while watching Rainbow Dash chatting with some pony in the background. – Bye….

Shining Armor: Pinkie! PINKIE!

Pinkamena hangs up the phone, slowly gets up, puts on a her hat and disappears in to a crowd of ponies….




Happy Halloween every pony. ;)

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wilnet1tractor's avatar
Now I'm thinking of Muzzles from Road Rovers.